my dad’s last day on this earth. My father died that day. He had a long and very serious bout with depression that ended when he took his life. It has hit our family very hard. We have always been a very close family. There is no one in my whole family who has ever gone through this. It’s very hard to understand and quite a long story that I won’t get into here. My dad was my best friend and he was also my boss for the last 5 years. So not only am I without a father, I am also without a job. It will be very hard for our family, but God will see us through. I know it’s not going to get any easier anytime soon, but one day it will slowly start to fade a bit. Time really does heal.

My dad’s death has taught me so much. When something like this happens to you it shows you what really matters in life. All those little mundane things either start to take a huge meaning, or you simply brush them off and forget about them. You realize there is so much more to life than you ever thought about. There are two ways to pursue your life after such a tragedy: You can either bury your head in the sand and slowly be carried away with the tide, or you can stand up, brush away the sand, and decide you are going to let it change your life for the better. This is what I have done. I am going to use my dad's loss as my gain. I am choosing to live my life and live it in a way that I am not so consumed with myself anymore. I have realized that it’s not about us down here on earth, it’s about everyone else around us. It’s not about us. I see my own sadness, and then I look around the world in such a different light. There are so many suffering in this world, and I never noticed it before like I do now. There are people who are suffering so much more than me. I look at the tsunami that has wiped out entire families and left only one orphaned child and suddenly my tragedy takes on a whole different meaning.

So, it has been hard to deal with the normal, daily routine. Gwyn is growing leaps and bounds. She is almost walking now at 10 months. She is babbling and has the cutest laugh. She loves life. She also has no idea about what has happened in my life the last two months. There could be nothing harder than trying to manage raising a baby while going through this grief, but I think it is also been the one thing that has kept our whole family going. My mother would be totally lost without the light of little Gwyneth brightening her days right now. I would too. She has been a blessing as hard as it may be to take care of her these days.

Well, I know this is my Sunny diary, and I have yet to mention him in this entry! Truth is he has kinda taking the back burner during all of this. He has also lost his grandpa whom he loved…

At the end of this entry, I thought I would include a little last story of my dad related to Bullies. He loved Bull Terriers, and I can still see him at this past Fourth of July, wearing both his Bully T-shirt of a Bully holding an American flag and a baseball hat that had a Bully on it which he got at our first and last Silverwood together. Anyways, on Christmas I opened my stocking and there was a gift card in it to Target. I thought, “Oh wow, how cute”; it had two cute Bully puppies on it. Then, I opened it and my heart fell apart. It read, “To Lisa, with love from Dad.” This was the last thing my dad ever bought me. My mom said he saw it maybe a couple weeks before he died and had to buy it for me. So, my dad’s last gift to me was in thought of Bull Terriers. I am glad I opened it last because not only was it the best present of all but it made me extremely sad the rest of the day. I miss him so much. Sunny loved him with all his heart and my dad always carried pictures of him and told everyone about his granddog.

I want to dedicate this diary entry to my dad. In Memory of "Dad", a Bull Terrier’s friend, my best friend, and a wonderful human being. The world has truly lost someone special. I love you, Dad!

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